October-Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Carrying the Burden of Domestic Violence
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. A time to raise awareness for victims and survivors of domestic violence. It is a time to demand change, provide hope, and educate others on the heavy topic that is Domestic Violence (DV). Domestic violence, or "intimate partner violence," is a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence occurs within a range of relationships, including gay or straight couples and couples who are married, living together, or dating.
Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic status and education levels. Domestic violence is constant. It happens every day. It happens to people you know.
What you may not know about is the additional stress that goes along with domestic violence. The internal stress that a victim carries throughout the day. Those experiencing a form of violence have their own unique set of rules and worries to endure. Not only are they experiencing the abuse, but the relentless mental and emotional toll that affects their life in many ways. One of the major contributors to that stress is living in constant fear of when it will happen next. The unpredictability of their abuser’s behavior is daunting. Simple or mundane daily tasks become filled with anxiety, awaiting the next trigger. Victims become extremely hypervigilant, paying close attention to what they say and how they say it to their abuser, second-guessing their words, actions, and tone of voice, fearing that any comment or slip-up can provoke a violent response. This ongoing pressure leaves victims feeling emotionally drained, trapped in a vicious cycle, and never truly feeling relaxed or at peace. Additionally, victims often experience anxiety over the loss or destruction of their personal belongings.
In many abusive relationships, the abuser, demonstrating their power and control, uses not only physical intimidation but also targets items they know are of importance or meaningful to their partner. The destruction of these items is a tactic to reinforce their control and induce fear. The victims are often left feeling powerless, knowing their personal space and belongings are subject to their abuser's next violent episode. This continuous threat, along with feelings of instability and constant anticipation of confrontation or violence, can compound the already stressful state that victims face daily. While being in a domestic violence relationship is stressful itself, these factors make it exceedingly difficult to navigate day-to-day life. If you know, you know. Domestic violence is based on power and control over the victim.
Many times, victims are unaware they are even in an abusive relationship. There are many indicators of domestic violence, and it is essential to evaluate your relationship if you feel your partner matches the criteria of an abuser. Abuse comes in many forms, including physical and sexual abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, threats and intimidation, and stalking.
The following are signs that your partner exhibits force or bullies, threatens, or controls you: Accuses you of having an affair
Blames you for the abuse
Criticizes you Tells you what to wear and how to look
Threatens to kill you or someone close to you
Throws things or punches walls when angry
Yells at you and makes you feel inferior
Your partner may control you financially by doing the following:
Keeping cash and credit cards from you
Giving you an allowance and explaining every dollar you spend
Preventing you from working at all or at specific places
Steals money from you or your friends or family
Will not allow you to have money for necessities like food and clothing
Your partner may control you by:
- Cutting you off from family and friends
- Makes you ask permission to see friends and family
- Embarrasses you in front of others, causing you to want to avoid others
Your partner physically abuses you:
- Abandons you in places you don’t know
- Attacks you with weapons or objects
- Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care
- Locks you in or out of your house
- Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair
Your partner sexually abuses you by:
- Forces you to have sex
- Makes you dress in a sexual way
- Makes you feel like you owe them sex
- Tries to give you an STD
- Refuses to use condoms or birth control
- Withholds sex and affection as a punishment
Here are some signs to look for if you feel someone you know is being abused:
- Has excuses for injuries
- Personality changes, exhibiting low self-esteem
- Constantly checking in with a partner, asking for permission, or seeming anxious while away from a partner
- Never having money on hand
- Overly worried about pleasing their partner
- Skipping work, school, or social settings for no apparent reason
- Wearing clothes that don’t match the season, such as long sleeves in the summer to cover bruises
Both women and men can be victims of domestic or intimate partner violence. The signs and actions can be the same whether the abuser is a male or female. In the LGBTQ community, some of the signs may differ- abusers may:
- Make excuses for abuse, for example, saying, “That’s just how men are” or “You know you wanted it to happen”.
- Telling you that police or others won’t help because of gender or orientation
- Threatening to “out” you to family, friends, and others
- Extreme jealousy of friends of the same sex
Are YOU an Abuser? Have you realized any of your behaviors here? In that case, resources may be available in your community to assist you in ending the abusive behaviors. Contact Sault Ste. Marie Tribal Court at 906-635-4963 for assistance. Domestic abuse can result in criminal prosecution. Help is available.
The Advocacy Resource Center (ARC) has been detrimental in serving survivors since 1989. ARC is available for support and advocacy for crisis intervention and emotional support. The ARC can assist with safety planning and follow-up. The Lodge of Bravery is open 24/7 and can provide immediate safety to survivors and their children and pets seeking protection from intimate partner violence. You do not have to be a tribal member to seek ARC services. Contact the Advocacy Resource Center at (906) 632-1808. You are not alone. Abuse is never your fault. For more information, you may also find us at www.Facebook.com/saulttribeARC and on our website, www.arcsaulttribe.com.